The World According to Peter Hart-Brinson

Welcome to the Brinson Sociological Institute!

Your Most Trusted Source of Brinsonian Sociology (B.S.)

Breaking News!

The B.S. Institute is pleased to announce the highly anticipated follow-up to Sociology Rock Fest! See below for details.

Symposia

The B.S. Institute and the Sociology of Beer and Bourbon Brownbag presents:

Durkheim's Revenge: The Collective Effervescence of the Sociology Rock Ritual

a.k.a. Sociology Rock Fest, Revised

September 12, 2009, 9:00, Glass Nickel (2916 Atwood)

featuring performances by:

Paper Scissors Rawk: "Less Tawk More Rawk: An Aesthetic Exposition of Letter Substitution and Meaning-Making"

Aniv de la Rev: "Globalization and Stylistic Hybridization of Music"

Spooky Action: "Creepy Structures and Disturbing Agency"

Love Rhombus: "Reading the Romance in a 2x2 Table"

Mission

Here at the BS Institute, we offer the finest training and education in sociology available on the internet! Through our institute, you can earn a variety of degrees and certificates to hang on your wall, so that you can demonstrate your acute analytic and observational abilities of the social world to your friends.

Philosophy

We here at the Brinson Sociological Institute believe in and practice preposteriority. What is preposteriority? Click here for to find out about the intellectual history and important characteristics of the doctrine.

Politics

We here at the B.S. Institute are firm supporters of the values of the Communist Party.

Degrees & Certificates Offered

Here are just some of the degrees and certificates our prestigous institute offers. The materials submitted by all degree recipients will be posted on the BS website.

Certified Sociologically Interesting (C.S.I.)--With this certificate, you will be certified to be sociologically interesting. Do you think you're weird? Unusual? Well, prove it! To become Certified Sociologically Interesting, you must: In a brief essay, demonstrate at least 3 ways that you defy sociological probabilities. Are you an openly gay practicing Mormon? Are you taller than 6'4" but suck at basketball? Are you a female engineering major? You might just be Sociologically Interesting.

Or, for the practicing sociologist, to become Certified Sociologically Interesting, you should demonstrate that, even though you study society, you are incapable of functioning in it. Why are sociologists so socially awkward? How is it that sociologists can be so, well, weird? It's one of sociology's most long-standing mysteries. If you can provide evidence for how you exemplify this phenomenon, the BS Institute will certify you as Sociologically Interesting.

Master of the Obvious (M.Ob.) Degree--Following in the tradition of some of the finest sociologists who have mastered the delicate art of finding complicated and convoluted ways to explain things that we already know and understand, the BS Institute is proud to offer a Master of the Obvious degree. Here at the BS Institute, we understand the importance of reiterating and debating at great length matters which are already settled or widely agreed upon by the population at large. To earn the M.Ob. degree, you must do one of the following things:

*Write a 5-8 page paper in which I learn absolutely nothing. It should contain no new or original ideas, and it should be substantively uninsightful. The essay may or may not contain citations as appropriate. Extraordinarily and needlessly complex sentences that make things seem more complex than they really are are entirely appropriate. Still don't know what I mean? Does this sound appealing to you, but you don't know how to begin? Look no further than this Onion article. This guy would definitely get a M.Ob. degree from the BS Institute.

*Coin a new term or phrase for something that we already have good words to describe and understand. Provide a definition of the term and provide a justification for why the new term is better than the terms or phrases currently in use.

*Write a sentence that contains the highest number of citations possible that support your assertion. For example, the sentence "Poverty has negative social consequences" should be followed by at least 50 citations. APA style, please.

Master of the Universe (M.U.) Degree--This is the Master's degree to beat all Master's degrees! Is your friend an M.F.A.? An M.D.? Well, you can be an M.U.! To be awarded an M.U. degree, you must do one of the following things:

*Run a regression with an R-squared of 1.00 and provide an explanation of the findings. Define your independent and dependent variables and provide a theoretical explanation for your findings.

*Submit a cultural analysis of He-Man. Or She-Ra. Here at the BS Institute, we understand that you don't have to be a man to be a Master of the Universe.

*Submit a work of alien sociology, a close encounter of the sociological kind, if you will. Sociological theory should not be limited to intelligent life on the planet Earth; it should be applicable to other social worlds as well. Here at the M.U. program of the BS Institute, we are foremost leaders in the application of sociological knowledge and theory to galaxies far, far away!

Ivory Tower Residency Program--To be an Ivory Tower resident (a.k.a. ITiot), you must demonstrate BOTH superior ability to critically analyze our society AND a decided lack of desire to do anything to change it. You will be an Honors Ivory Tower resident if you also save your harshest criticism for social movements. Alternatively, or in addition, Ivory Tower Residents should demonstrate an unusual degree of snobbery or devote your academic energy to writing and research that is completely inconsequential for the real world.

Spin Doctor (Sp.D.) Degree--To become a Spin Doctor, you must submit a statistical analysis of a data set that is convincing but that represents a completely inappropriate interpretation or use of the data. Also appropriate are qualitative essays that completely distort or manipulate meaning towards inappropriate ends. In general, you should demonstrate superior ability to manipulate language, numbers, and research in a way that supports your own partisan, ideological, or theoretical viewpoint. Certainly, Doctor Alan Sokal at NYU would earn an honorary Sp.D. (see links below)

Publications

Thank You, Come Again: The Wedding Industry and the U.S. Divorce Rate--by Peter Hart-Brinson, Sp.D.

Obituary for an Apparently-Gay Whale Shark--by Andrea Rivers, C.S.I.

"Queering the Disney Version: Progressive Politics in Disney's Lilo and Stitch"--by Kerry Mockler, ITiot

"Anatomy of a Socgradchat Melee"--by Peter Hart-Brinson, C.S.I.

"Habits of the Bosom"--An homage to Anna Nicole Smith, by Peter Hart-Brinson, C.S.I.

Testimonials

At the Brinson Sociological Institute, not only do we study life changes, we change lives! Here are some testimonials from our graduates:

*"I'm not just the president, I'm also a member!"--Peter Hart-Brinson, founder and executive director

"Before I became credentialed 'Certifiably Interesting,' girls didn’t want to have anything to do with me and found me either dull or downright repulsive. But now that I’m sociologically interesting, it’s changed my perspective: it’s not that they don’t want to have anything to do with me, it’s that I’m too good for them. Thanks, BSI, for helping me validate my pointless existence."--Byram "Sam" Ozer, C.S.I.

"My colleagues at work are so impressed with all my degrees and certificates hanging on my wall. But my certificate from the Brinson Sociological Institute always leaves them speechless."--Tara "The Yellow Dart" Becker, C.S.I.

"I thought I would never survive my Ivory Tower Residency at the B.S. Institute. It seemed like the day would never come that I would receive the award for all my hard work. What was it, like 2 years I was waiting for that darn certificate? But now I have proof that I'm better than everyone else."--Kerry "Silver Spoon" Mockler, ITiot

"I'll make more money because of this, right?"--Andrea "Doc" Rivers, C.S.I.

*"The B.S. Institute changed my life!"--[your name here]

Links

The following websites also carry on the spirit of the B.S. Institute. Visit them for enlightenment.

What is Sociology? Look here for the authoritative answer.

Journal of Irreproducible Results

Litmus Magazine

"Transgressing the Boundaries"--Article by Alan D. Sokal published in Social Text. His explanation of his article is here. The NYT coverage of the controversy is here.

Save the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus!--If we don't save this endangered species, our world will be robbed of a valuable treasure.

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

E Clampus Vitus--Sociologists definitely need an organization like this.

Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? I don't see anyone else here, so you must be talking to me. Send me an email.

Page last updated November 13, 2009