The World According to Peter Brinson

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Your Most Trusted Source of Brinsonian Sociology (B.S.)

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"Habits of the Bosom"
by Peter K. Brinson, Founder and Executive Director, B.S. Institute

On behalf of the Brinson Sociological (B.S.) Institute, I now formally declare Anna Nicole Smith's death to be Sociologically Interesting.

Why?

Because of this.
While the B.S. Institute was originally skeptical about this particular case, the testimony provided by ordinary people across the country about her death provides a striking view about what it is that people love about celebrities.

In some of these e-eulogies, she embodies (bosom and all) not only the average American, but our belief in the American Dream. People identified with her because she was an ordinary person who managed to make something of herself. In revealing herself to us, she also reveals ourselves to us. She shows us the raw, naked humanity present in all of us--including our flaws and imperfections.

Her rise to celebrity greatness validates the deeply-held American belief in the value of hard work. Her life confirms our mostly taken-for-granted values about the capacity of the individual to triumph over adversity and anonymity. In Smith, the moral rectitude of the meritocracy is confirmed.

Not only was it her ordinariness that made us love her, but she also exhibited almost super-human qualities and characteristics that captured the spotlight. Once captured, the spotlight would not let go of her (no matter how much one might try to divert one's eyes), and her glaring natural endowments became almost supernatural. Her rise from ordinariness to unsurpassed greatness was the story of her life, and it captivated the nation.

This combination--her symbolism of the ordinary person and her supernatural powers--make her a heroine in the mythological sense of the term. In our Judeo-Christian world, the generic mythological heroine becomes a Christ-figure. The symbolism can be seen in her humble origins, her supernatural endowments, her charismatic power over the multitudes, and her ultimate persecution at the hands of a ruthless jury in the court of public opinion. Just as a hard rock tomb could not contain the spirit of such supernatural beings, neither could the Hard Rock in Hollywood (FL, that is) contain Smith's spirit.

The lasting influence of Anna Nicole Smith on our moral life will be felt for years to come. In her life and death, the moral order of American society is rediscovered, reaffirmed, and renewed.

Mission

Here at the BS Institute, we offer the finest training and education in sociology available on the internet! Through our institute, you can earn a variety of degrees and certificates to hang on your wall, so that you can demonstrate your acute analytic and observational abilities of the social world to your friends.

Philosophy

Coming soon!

Degrees & Certificates Offered

Here are just some of the degrees and certificates our prestigous institute offers. The materials submitted by all degree recipients will be posted on the BS website.

Certified Sociologically Interesting (C.S.I.)--With this certificate, you will be certified to be sociologically interesting. Do you think you're weird? Unusual? Well, prove it! To become Certified Sociologically Interesting, you must: In a brief essay, demonstrate at least 3 ways that you defy sociological probabilities. Are you an openly gay practicing Mormon? Are you taller than 6'4" but suck at basketball? Are you a female engineering major? You might just be Sociologically Interesting.

Or, for the practicing sociologist, to become Certified Sociologically Interesting, you should demonstrate that, even though you study society, you are incapable of functioning in it. Why are sociologists so socially awkward? How is it that sociologists can be so, well, weird? It's one of sociology's most long-standing mysteries. If you can provide evidence for how you exemplify this phenomenon, the BS Institute will certify you as Sociologically Interesting.

Master of the Obvious (M.Ob.) Degree--Following in the tradition of some of the finest sociologists who have mastered the delicate art of finding complicated and convoluted ways to explain things that we already know and understand, the BS Institute is proud to offer a Master of the Obvious degree. Here at the BS Institute, we understand the importance of reiterating and debating at great length matters which are already settled or widely agreed upon by the population at large. To earn the M.Ob. degree, you must do one of the following things:

*Write a 5-8 page paper in which I learn absolutely nothing. It should contain no new or original ideas, and it should be substantively uninsightful. The essay may or may not contain citations as appropriate. Extraordinarily and needlessly complex sentences that make things seem more complex than they really are are entirely appropriate. Still don't know what I mean? Does this sound appealing to you, but you don't know how to begin? Look no further than this Onion article. This guy would definitely get a M.Ob. degree from the BS Institute.

*Coin a new term or phrase for something that we already have good words to describe and understand. Provide a definition of the term and provide a justification for why the new term is better than the terms or phrases currently in use.

*Write a sentence that contains the highest number of citations possible that support your assertion. For example, the sentence "Poverty has negative social consequences" should be followed by at least 50 citations. APA style, please.

Master of the Universe (M.U.) Degree--This is the Master's degree to beat all Master's degrees! Is your friend an M.F.A.? An M.D.? Well, you can be an M.U.! To be awarded an M.U. degree, you must do one of the following things:

*Run a regression with an R-squared of 1.00 and provide an explanation of the findings. Define your independent and dependent variables and provide a theoretical explanation for your findings.

*Submit a cultural analysis of He-Man. Or She-Ra. Here at the BS Institute, we understand that you don't have to be a man to be a Master of the Universe.

*Submit a work of alien sociology, a close encounter of the sociological kind, if you will. Sociological theory should not be limited to intelligent life on the planet Earth; it should be applicable to other social worlds as well. Here at the M.U. program of the BS Institute, we are foremost leaders in the application of sociological knowledge and theory to galaxies far, far away!

Ivory Tower Residency Program--To be an Ivory Tower resident, you must demonstrate BOTH superior ability to critically analyze our society AND a decided lack of desire to do anything to change it. You will be an Honors Ivory Tower resident if you also save your harshest criticism for social movements.

Spin Doctor (Sp.D.) Degree--To become a Spin Doctor, you must submit a statistical analysis of a data set that is convincing but that represents a completely inappropriate interpretation or use of the data. You should demonstrate superior ability to manipulate numbers and studies in a way that supports your own partisan ideological viewpoint.

Testimonials

At the Brinson Sociological Institute, not only do we study life changes, we change lives! Here are some testimonials from our graduates:

*"I'm not just the president, I'm also a member!"--Peter K. Brinson, founder and executive director

"Before I became credentialed 'Certifiably Interesting,' girls didn’t want to have anything to do with me and found me either dull or downright repulsive. But now that I’m sociologically interesting, it’s changed my perspective: it’s not that they don’t want to have anything to do with me, it’s that I’m too good for them. Thanks, BSI, for helping me validate my pointless existence."--Byram "Sam" Ozer, C.S.I.

*"The B.S. Institute changed my life!"--[your name here]

Links

The following websites also carry on the spirit of the B.S. Institute. Visit them for enlightenment.

Journal of Irreproducible Results

Litmus Magazine

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Page last updated May 5, 2008